Roasting is an art. It’s not about being mean. It’s about being sharp, funny, and just the right amount of bold. A great roast lands perfectly. It makes people laugh, not cry. It turns awkward moments into comedy gold. And the best part? When it’s clever, quick, and clean, no one can resist a good laugh.
Comebacks are no different. They flip the script. They answer shade with wit. They let you stand tall and laugh loud. Whether you're roasting friends, answering haters, or just having fun, good comebacks are like secret weapons.
This collection of 160+ Good Roasts and comebacks will give you plenty of material. Some are savage. Some are silly. All are meant to bring laughter to the moment. Let’s dive in.
Good Roasts That Work Every Time
You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.
You're not stupid. You just have bad luck thinking.
You're not ugly. But let's just say your personality does all the work.
Your secrets are safe with me. I never listen anyway.
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
If I had a dollar for every smart thing you said, I’d be broke.
You have something on your chin… no, the third one down.
You’re not lazy. You’re just on energy-saving mode.
You're like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
You're not annoying. You’re just impossible to ignore—for all the wrong reasons.
You're the human version of a software update: unwanted, slow, and always at the worst time.
Funny Comebacks That Hit Hard
Them: “You're weird.”
You: “Thanks. Normal is boring.”
Them: “No one likes you.”
You: “Wrong. Mosquitoes love me.”
Them: “You think you're smart?”
You: “No. I know I am. You just don’t recognize it from your angle.”
Them: “You're acting like a child.”
You: “At least I was cute once.”
Them: “Get over yourself.”
You: “I would, but I’d miss the view.”
Them: “You're not all that.”
You: “And yet, here you are—still talking to me.”
Them: “I don’t care.”
You: “I didn’t ask.”
Them: “Grow up.”
You: “You first.”
Schoolyard Style Roasts
You're like a math problem. I don’t understand you, and I’m not trying.
You're the reason they put directions on shampoo bottles.
You're the kind of person who trips over wireless internet.
Your face makes onions cry.
You're not slow. You’re just relaxed… in every mental category.
You bring drama like it's part of your skincare routine.
You make sandpaper seem smooth.
You're like a Wi-Fi signal. Strong one second, gone the next.
You're not built different. You're built confusing.
You're the kind of friend that makes me appreciate silence.
Light Roasts for Friends
You have the memory of a goldfish… but less useful.
You’re not bad at texting back. You’re bad at everything involving responsibility.
You call it “fashion.” I call it “a risk.”
You have the emotional range of a teaspoon.
You're the only person I know who Googles themselves… and gets disappointed.
You laugh like you skipped the tutorial for human interaction.
You text like you’re being charged per letter.
You're the reason we have group chats without you.
You’re not toxic. You’re just naturally exhausting.
You're not awkward. You're an experience.
Savage One-Liners
You have something on your face—oh wait, that’s just your personality.
You're like a broken pencil. Pointless.
You have more issues than a magazine rack.
You're not deep. You're just vague and confused.
You're the kind of person that makes people hope aliens don’t visit.
If you were any slower, you'd be going backwards.
Your opinions are like expired coupons. Useless and annoying.
You're the type who'd bring a spoon to a gunfight.
You're not even wrong in an interesting way.
Your confidence is impressive for someone so consistently wrong.
Sarcastic Comebacks to Make People Pause
Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the start of yours?
Wow, that was so smart. I’ll add it to my list of things I didn’t ask for.
Thanks for your opinion. I’ll make sure to ignore it properly.
You should put that thought back where you found it.
I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.
You sound better with the volume off.
You must be really proud of all your bad decisions.
That’s cute. Did you think that through, or just feel it out loud?
You have the unique ability to make silence sound better.
Your voice is giving my ears a workout.
Good Roasts for Online Chats
Your comments are like pop-ups. Annoying and always in the way.
You sound like autocorrect wrote your personality.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
You're the reason the mute button exists.
You just dropped a comment so bad, I had to restart my brain.
You type like your keyboard owes you money.
You're so original, I’ve seen bots with better style.
Reading your comment gave me secondhand confusion.
You argue like a CAPTCHA test.
Even my internet lag makes more sense than you.
Comebacks That Are Clever, Not Cruel
You’re not wrong. You’re just not right either.
Interesting idea. Let’s never speak of it again.
That was bold. Boldly bad, but bold.
Your enthusiasm is inspiring. Too bad your logic isn’t.
You're confusing passion with volume.
That comeback took effort. Try less next time.
You make a good case for headphones.
Your confidence is unmatched—by your talent.
You’re full of surprises. Mostly disappointments, but still.
Keep talking. I enjoy guessing what you think words mean.
Good Roasts That Are Just for Laughs
You're like a donut. Sweet, round, and full of empty space.
You're proof that evolution has a sense of humor.
You're like a bad Wi-Fi signal. There, but useless.
You have something special. Unfortunately, it’s not useful.
You're the life of the party—if the party is terrible.
You put the “why” in “why are you like this?”
You glow like a microwave in the middle of the night—sudden, harsh, and confusing.
You're not the main character. You're barely a side quest.
You're as mysterious as a soggy napkin.
You're like a fortune cookie with no message.
Why Good Roasts Make People Laugh
Good Roasts work because they’re playful. They tease without truly hurting. They let people laugh at themselves and at others in a safe, funny way. When done right, they’re more fun than mean. They bring friends closer. They shake up boring moments. They help people let go of stress.
Roasts also connect people. If you’ve ever traded burns with a close friend, you know the joy of laughing so hard you can’t breathe. That’s what good roasts are meant to do.
They don’t need to be cruel to be funny. In fact, the best ones are often the most creative. They come from quick minds and clever hearts.
Final Thoughts on Mastering Roasts and Comebacks
You don’t need to memorize all 160+ Good Roasts and comebacks. Just remember the rhythm. Quick. Smart. Not too deep. Keep it light. Keep it laughing. And know when to let it go.
Whether you’re roasting your best friend or clapping back in a group chat, use your wit wisely. Be bold, be kind, and never forget—the best burns leave everyone smiling.
Because if they’re not laughing, it’s not roasting. It’s just being rude.
And that’s never funny.
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